FACEBOOK HIATUS

A few minutes before this post, I was about to deactivate my Facebook account. Being on Facebook for more than a year now has been both a fun and taxing experience. However, lately, the stress of not being able to speak out what really is on my mind makes the socialization tediously virtual.

It seems that I really have some problem with my social self. I hate being judged, and I can’t stand being disliked by others. I don’t intend to please anyone either, but I guess it’s every other person’s struggle to try being understood. I hope this makes me normal. I used to think that silencing myself and trying to be invisible would do the trick, but later on, even the people around me heard my silence.

And how they found the discovery amusing!

I had fun posting basketball game results and some random musings. I hate myself for not posting what’s on my mind, and I hate myself for not enjoying Facebook as much as I would love a normal conversation.

It’s really hard to throw yourself into this social pool online while being real-life acquainted with the same people you are connected with on social media.

I hate being overrated. It makes you feel guarded of your actions to the point that even you find it hard to recognize your real self from the person other people expect you to be.

I want to completely walk out of the Facebook crowd because almost everyone I know is on Facebook. However, I cannot simply disregard the fact that it has been very helpful in (a) group conversations/class announcements and (b) online stalking. Joseph Yeo’s finally on Twitter, and I think I’m served with the second purpose. As for the Facebook messages, I assume my classmates can all go back to text messaging instead, as I will for the coming days.

I’LL BE ON A HIATUS. AND I’LL MAKE SURE I’LL LOVE IT. I’LL TRY TO THINK THINGS OVER AND DECIDE LATER WHETHER TO LEAVE FACEBOOK COMPLETELY OR BE THE PRODIGAL SON.

Right now, I just want to hire the Sopranos. I’ll throw curses in the air and they will be paid to listen. I want to stand at the edge of a cliff and warn life not to be a bitch! And listen how it yells back ‘Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!’ at me in dying monotones.

Other than these, I simply want to Pacquiao-punch the driver who overtook a jeepney and drove on the wrong lane, bumped my brother’s motorcycle and got him hospitalized. I won’t hire the Sopranos, I’ll tell it myself, I’ll ask how that efffin driver got his license and advise him to get a life!

I can never forgive that man because I was never God.

A Note

Found this note on my phone.

"I am bound to forget that there are things worth keeping for yourself. I believe that the hardest form of truth can only be achieved by that feeling of being stripped of every single detail of privacy,to be somehow naked in front of both nobody and anybody,and not to feel even a bit of sympathy for personal pride and ego.People have always wanted seeing their reflections in mirrors because they hate the truth refracted through the prisms of others. Accepting truth is as hard as digesting a book which contains the morals of the society.Thus,recognizing the real self becomes less bearable than acting out what others might expect from you. Opinion leaders gather public opinion,both pro and con,but they speak only either to praise or bash,not oneself but another.It is rather confusing that most of us had palpably flaunted our love for our ego,and yet nobody has the proper courage to reveal their bare self publicly.Could it be a question of the mind or a question to the norms?Had you chosen selfpraise,you would have become a nobody.Had you rather opted for safety,you would have become anybody.I don't wish to be either of the two.I plainly want to be me.Whether I am ugly,or boastful,or kind,or smart,or immoral.Because only in seeking for the 'I' will one be able to find the more lucrative sense of individuality.Everything starts with reasons.Reasoning is a purpose of the mind.As one struggles to find the real essence of becoming a part or member of a group,a team,a family,a class,or a society,he has to realize to become one with himself,first.It is hard to speak what the mind doesn't think,or deny what the eyes see.Unless,of course,you're too good at acting."

I probably wrote this after reading Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead. I swore then I wouldn't let anybody read it, trying to make the thought as personal as possible. I was hammering the idea inside my head; I did not even consider writing it until I realized how poor my memory is that I won't forgive myself should I fail to remember the exact words. I did not intend it to be a personal motto of some sort. Just a realization. A proposition, hopefully, for future rebuttal and better argumentation.

Why I'm posting this, I don't know the reason yet. I have this habit of going over my past writings and I assume that soon, at some points in my life, I'll read this to decide whether to delete it or just laugh at myself.

x + y = z

Facebook status + Tweet = What's on my mind.

Blogspot therefore is the equation.

Let the random musings begin!!!

:)