That it was like this, we were never told.
IDEA.
Inside a coffee shop.
GIRL: I hope it rains on your wedding day.
BOY: Whoever said I’m getting married.
GIRL: (Throws an invitation card at the boy) Well, it says here a jerk named Lucas Mauricio is.
BOY: (checking the invitation) So you received it. (smiles)
GIRL: Funny thing is, you forgot to write the name of the bride. Aren’t you planning to invite her?
BOY: (sips coffee) Who’s her?
GIRL: Who’s her? Good thing you ask. I honestly won’t believe if any of the female species considers you for a husband.
BOY: So I left a space, then. Hmmnn??? You can fill in the blank with your name, under my permission.
GIRL: Excuse me. (Sneering) What you should put here are choices! A. The bitch I took at last year’s class reunion. B. My brainless secretary C. The girl I kissed at the club yesterday D. None of the above
BOY: How can you be that smart?
GIRL: (Exasperated) Whatever.
BOY: (Writes something on the invitation using a red pen)
GIRL: Can I ask you something? Do you believe it takes years to bake a slice of chocolate mousse cake?
BOY: I have no idea. But I think they’re done milking the cow. (lifts his cup) Care for a cup?
GIRL: Insomniac here. So, what do you want for a wedding gift?
BOY: Your books. Each with a signature on page 27.
GIRL: You mean, you haven’t read any of the books I wrote? You are disappointing Sophie Kinsella!
BOY: Who’s Sophie Kinsella? (sees her infuriation) Of course, Sophie Kinsella. I never thought you have a thing for vampires with stylists.
GIRL: What do you mean?
BOY: Sophie Kinsella. Twilight. Eclipse. What’s the last one? Breaking Down?
GIRL: If you like being a literary snob, you should at least review your lessons. And we’re talking pop lit here. In the name of Sophie Kinsella, I forgive you and Stephenie Meyer.
BOY: Who’s Tiffany Bayer?
GIRL: Go to hell and meet her.
Silence.
BOY: (talking with someone on the phone) Secretary Reyes, arrange me a date with Tiffany Bayer. I don’t know her number, I don’t even know who she is. Maybe she has Face book, go facebook her! Now!
GIRL: I am leaving. Perhaps the chickens are taking too long to lay their eggs. (grabs her purse)
BOY: No, wait. It’s here.
GIRL: The chickens or the eggs?
BOY: Funny.
GIRL: (gets seated while the waiter puts down the platter)
(to the waiter) What’s special about this?
WAITER : It’s made of Belgian chocolates, Madam.
GIRL: I know. (sarcastic tone here) Does that mean you imported chocolates just to offer me a slice?
BOY: They did. And he has no business here so let him leave.
The waiter leaves the two.
GIRL: You were saying? (Begins eating the slice.)
BOY: What? No, nothing. (pearls of sweat on forehead)
GIRL: (Chokes while eating the cake. Spits some of the mouthful. Boy hands her a goblet of water.)
(Shouts) Waaaaiiitttteeeerrrr!!!!
The waiter rushes towards them looking unapologetic.
GIRL: There’s something on my chocolate mousse. Something that’s hard like some sort of a pebble. And it tastes weird.
BOY: (Sighs. Grabs her spit with the table napkin.)
WAITER: (Shakes his head)
GIRL: What? I want the manager now or I will have both of you sued.
WAITER: (To the boy.) I told you, sir. Indecent proposals have 20% success rate as per this cafe is concerned. Especially at high noon.
BOY: (Rubbing the thing with the table napkin.)
(To the girl.) Exactly how did I fall in love with you?
The boy hands her the ring and the invitation card with her name written in red ink. The girl finishes her cake.
l.l.
